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The 4 Million Dollar Rip Off, Is Anyone Paying Attention?
The Care of The Missing CASH
Hello again. Carolyn and Mikol here.
We hope all of you are starting your New Year out well.
We are working on our own health, bike riding and jogging in the unusually mild months we’re experiencing.
We’ve been seeing many issues lately around the competency of elders and their money. Here’s a true story about a ripoff of a 90 year old that was quite shocking.
It involves George, who is generally doing well, but has a few memory problems. His wife, Gloria worries about him. He has a full time caregiver from a qualified agency. He goes to the gym every day. The caregiver drives him there and to the bank, to his errands and to lunch. He keeps cash on hand for his own use.
The last time George went to the bank, Gloria wanted to know what had happened to the $300 he withdrew. He couldn’t find it. The next time, he said he had put $1000 in his “secret stash” drawer in his dresser. It was empty.
He withdrew another $1000. This time, $300 of it was missing almost immediately. Gloria thought George had just misplaced it.
Then Gloria got a call from her credit card company. Someone had tried to charge $15,000 worth of merchandise. Because it was unusual, the amount triggered the call. She had enough sense to cancel the credit card. She didn’t have enough sense to see what was getting very plain.
The caregiver was stealing from them.
When I got the call about this case, I was more than a little frustrated. Gloria felt sorry for the thief. The caregiver’s husband had walked out on her. She was struggling with money, the caregiver had been telling them. Gloria didn’t want to call the police, because she “didn’t have the heart”.
I gave Gloria a heads-up. This thief is gaming you. The “poor me” story is a trick to get your sympathy and it’s working. You must immediately change the bank accounts, cancel any credit cards to which the caregiver could have had access and change all passwords in your electronic banking. And, you must call the police before the caregiver steals from anyone else. There needs to be a public record of this.
“There’s no way to really prove it” Gloria says. Not so, Gloria. Ever hear of circumstantial evidence? No one else had access and there was no one else in the house who could have taken the money, I told her.
The caregiver was fired immediately. Good. At least we can stop further damage from lifting cash. However, the prospect of identify theft and using other credit card numbers remains a risk. That risk can continue for many months, even years.
Gloria is very hesitant to take it upon herself to stop George from handling cash any longer. He has always done his own banking. He has always handled his money apart from hers. It would be a major change. But, I advised, it’s time. Gloria needs support and encouragement to help George accept that it’s time for her to take over the responsibility for all the finances.
The fact that George didn’t know cash was missing was a red flag that Gloria missed. It is fortunate that greater losses did not occur before she figured it out. We don’t yet know who might have gotten George’s credit card numbers, bank account numbers, Social Security number, or other identifying information which would allow greater theft to happen. Someone already had one credit card number and tried to use it.
The takeaway from this true and sad story is that we all need to keep a close watch on a 90 year old with memory problems.
Caregivers might be thieves to start with, or they might be in situations when financial pressure mounts and the temptation to steal from a vulnerable client is just too much. No stranger coming into a private home with an elder should be completely trusted with money, valuables and private information. No matter how good the employer agency or the background check, things happen and people can change when their financial situations worsen.
When we have an aging loved one who is doing pretty well, we might miss the red flags. We want to notice the good. We can overlook the dangerous part of memory problems.
How about your family? Any vulnerable elders among you? You can be the one to be on the alert for your loved one’s financial safety. If you’re not sure and you have suspicions, contact us for a complimentary strategy session, www.agingstrategysession.com. We’ll help you figure out if you need to do something about it.
Meanwhile, we wish all of you the best.
Until next time,
Carolyn Rosenblatt and Mikol Davis
AgingParents.com
The Soaring Survivor – An inspiration to us all!
New Year Wake-Up Call: The Trip to Emergency for Mom
It’s Carolyn and Mikol.
We just spent the holidays with Mikol’s Mom, Alice, who is doing fine at age 89. She is with it enough to get on a plane by herself and arrived in good condition. We enjoyed our time, took her on drives around our beautiful county, and just hung out together. How fortunate we are that she has a great memory, does her exercise, and eats a healthy diet. She also remembers to take her medications and keeps track of every one. She knows the dosages and understands why she needs them.
Not everyone is so lucky as we are.
Take Thomas, whose mom is developing some problems with her memory. He’s a loving son. He lives near his parents. He checks in on them, but they’re doing pretty well and he really doesn’t worry about them. Dad is 87 and Mom is 82. They’re independent. They still drive. They take care of themselves. Except that Mom was forgetting to take her pills. She had six left over at the end of the month, so she decided to take them all at once.
She ended up in the emergency room. She is lucky to survive. Thomas just got a wake up call that all is not fine and he needs to pay more attention.
It’s great that medical advances allow us to live longer than ever and to enjoy our lives. But it comes with a price. One aspect of that price is that we need medication to control various chronic conditions, such as heart disease or high blood pressure. Then, once we take one medication, it can have side effects. We may need another medication to offset those side effects, and so on. Pretty soon, dear old Dad is supposed to take 6 or 7 pills more than once a day.
It gets really complicated when aging parents are supposed to take some of them three times a day. Like anyone, our parents get distracted. They lose track of time. They have an appointment or an event and they forget to put the pills in a pocket or purse. What’s the worst that can happen? They can take a fatal overdose or they can end up in the hospital.
Thomas did a search and found an electronic pill dispenser with an auditory alarm as well as a flashing light alarm. It can be set for twice a day. It lights up when it’s time to take a pill and then the electronic alarm goes off for 5 minutes and repeats until the person opens the dispenser.
As both parents spend a lot of time at home, he can feel better about the fact that something is going to remind them when it’s time for their medications.
And, this whole medication-forgetting incident is a red flag warning. A trip to the emergency room does not always end well. If a parent takes six days’ worth of pills at once, it’s a tip-off that something is going wrong with her judgment. Could it be an early sign of developing dementia?
Perhaps, or perhaps not, but it’s definitely time to check out the reasons behind Mom’s episode. ”Just forgetting” is not an inconsequential thing. Some testing by a neuropsychologist may be in order. The emergency room physician is not going to suggest it. She or he is busy making sure that the elder is out of immediate danger and the doctor then moves on to the next patient. It’s up to the family to take the follow up steps.
I am a huge fan of all the electronic devices that help us help our aging parents. New products are coming on the market all the time, given our aging population. And, with that, we still need to attend to the fact that our parents are aging and they are not going to be the same year after year. Devices can’t take the place of our own observations and actions to help.
Thomas gets a free warning with few personal consequences when it comes to his Mom’s episode. As we do at AgingParents.com, I encouraged him to use this as a reason to have the necessary conversation with his parents about their future. Of course, they hadn’t discussed it at all. Does either parent have a Durable Power of Attorney? ”No,” says Thomas. How about a discussion about what would happen if either parent needed help at home? ”Never talked about it yet”, he says.
He’ll get some coaching from us on how to approach these topics and what he needs to cover. He will develop the confidence he needs to think ahead and be a watchful and responsible son. The trip to the ER has turned out to have unexpected benefits for Thomas.
We hope you’ll end 2011 on a positive note with confidence that you are doing the right thing, being concerned about and caring for your aging loved ones. We’re with you.
Wishing each of you a healthy and prosperous New Year!
Carolyn and Mikol
AgingParents.com
Wake-Up Call: Mom’s Trip To The Emergency Room
It can be extremely dangerous for aging parents to rely only on memory when it comes to taking medication. So many aging folks have memory loss issues. A large percentage of those with memory problems go on to develop dementia.
The reliance on memory to keep all the pills straight is a recipe for disaster.
Take Thomas’s case. He’s a loving son. He lives near his parents. He checks in on them, but they’re doing pretty well and he really doesn’t worry about them. Dad is 87 and Mom is 82. They’re independent. They still drive. They take care of themselves. Except that Mom was forgetting to take her pills. She had six left over at the end of the month, so she decided to take them all at once.
She ended up in the emergency room. She is lucky to survive. Thomas just got a wake-up call that all is not fine and he needs to pay more attention.
It’s great that medical advances allow us to live longer than ever and to enjoy our lives. But it comes with a price. One aspect of that price is that we need medication to control various chronic conditions, such as heart disease or high blood pressure. Then, once we take one medication, it can have side effects. We may need another medication to offset those side effects, and so on. Pretty soon, dear old Dad is supposed to take 6 or 7 pills more than once a day.
It gets really complicated when aging parents are supposed to take some of them three times a day. Like anyone, our parents get distracted. They lose track of time. They have an appointment or an event and they forget to put the pills in a pocket or purse. What’s the worst that can happen? They can take a fatal overdose or they can end up in the hospital.
Fortunately, there are electronic solutions to this, provided that a parent is willing and able to learn to use them. Thomas did an internet search for a product, realizing that memory is now an issue for both of his parents. He found an electronic pill dispenser box with an auditory alarm as well as a flashing light alarm. It can be set to go off twice a day. It lights up when it’s time to take a pill and then the electronic alarm sounds for 5 minutes and repeats until the person opens the dispenser. He bought two of them.
He’s only seen it working for a few days, but so far, so good. As both parents spend a lot of time at home, he can feel better about the fact that something is going to remind them when it’s time for their medications.
And, this whole medication-forgetting incident is a red flag warning. A trip to the emergency room does not always end well. If a parent takes six days’ worth of pills at once, it’s a tip-off that something is going wrong with her judgment. Could it be an early sign of developing dementia?
Perhaps, or perhaps not, but it’s definitely time to check out the reasons behind Mom’s episode. “Just forgetting” is not an inconsequential thing. Some testing by a neurologist and neuropsychologist may be in order. The emergency room physician is not going to suggest it. She or he is busy making sure that the elder is out of immediate danger and the doctor then moves on to the next patient.
It’s up to the family to take the follow up steps.
If your parent is taking multiple medications, it’s worth asking if he or she has ever forgotten to take one of them. Better yet, look at the bottles yourself next time you see your parent. Find out when your parent gets medication refills. If it’s monthly, and you find full or partially full bottles at the end of the month, it’s time to get involved in the matter.
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I am a huge fan of all the electronic devices that help us help our aging parents. New products are coming on the market all the time, given our aging population. And, with that, we still need to attend to the fact that our parents are aging and they are not going to be the same year after year. Devices can’t take the place of our own observations and actions to protect them.
Thomas gets a free warning with few personal consequences when it comes to his Mom’s episode. As we do at AgingParents.com, I encouraged him to use this as a reason to have the necessary conversation with his parents about their future. Of course, they hadn’t discussed it at all. Does either parent have a Durable Power of Attorney? “No,” says Thomas. How about a discussion about what would happen if either parent needed help at home? “Never talked about it yet”, he says.
He’ll get some coaching from me on how to approach these topics and what he needs to cover. He will develop the confidence he needs to think ahead and be a watchful and responsible son. The trip to the ER has turned out to have unexpected benefits for Thomas.
Until next time,
Carolyn Rosenblatt
AgingParents.com
Billy Crystal and Robin Williams on Getting Older
Managing Conflict During the Holidays
Webinar on Managing Conflict During the Holidays
Hello, again. Carolyn and Mikol here.
Are holiday family gatherings stressing you out?
Learn some proven ways to combat stress from Carolyn and Mikol, psychologist, nurse-lawyer team.
Webinar on Managing Conflict During the Holidays
Our free, 30 minute webinar is packed with solid advice to help you prevent that headache you always get this time of year.
Whether it’s all the work, specific people or your aging parents that get to you most, we’ve got some strategies to help you handle it better than ever before.
Make this season one you go through in a calmer, smarter way because you have a plan in mind. Learn it now-you’ll be glad you did.
Click here to sign up for either of 2 viewing times.
If this is a problem you are having, remember that AgingParents.com is there to lend you a hand. A brief strategy session to size up your problem is complimentary. Click HERE
May you all enjoy respite from the hectic days ahead and find some time to care for yourself.
Best to you,
Carolyn and Mikol
AgingParents.com
How We Came To Be: The Seniors Resource Forum
How We Came To Be: The Seniors Resource Forum
It was a tiny fantasy to start. The mere seed of an idea.
Could we form a group that would have a single purpose, to bring excellent information to seniors and their families without selling anything? Without trying to promote business? Just for the good of the community?
We noted that anyone who wanted information about aging, about aging parents, or about the practical things in this area had to run all over the place to get it.
You could use the internet, and millions of sites would come up. You could call a local senior center, and get referred to numerous places. You could read books, but they would answer some questions, leaving you to keep searching if you needed more. In short, learning about aging, how to solve your problems and how to work with aging loved ones took altogether too much work in too many places to be convenient.
Nursing is my background. In nursing, we call it “fragmentation”; i.e, the disconnected nature of health care information or care. In plain English, it’s a pain when you can’t find out a lot you need in just one place. Problems with aging are complex. They are intertwined and cover numerous areas: legal, healthcare, finance, etc.
From that understanding of fragmentation, a plan emerged. What if we could make educational information for the public available in one place, make it convenient, and deliver it from experts in multiple fields at that one location? Then, execution of the plan became a challenge. How could we find expert volunteers in numerous fields willing to give their time to planning and delivering their information to the public?
As my husband and I have expertise in 3 fields, nursing, law and psychology, it was a start. We had friends working in the aging field. Maybe we could ask them to join us in our project. We knew a great geriatric care manager, a quality home care provider, and someone with expertise in Medicare Part D insurance. We called a meeting. All went well. Despite what anyone might have thought about professionals being unwilling to give of their time, we found generous volunteers who were willing and able to do this. Seniors Resource Forum was born.
We added a few other volunteers, all in different fields, and rounded out the roster. Estate planning, affordable housing and fiduciary services added the dimension and different angles we wanted to include. We started giving educational programs, and the quality was all we had hoped it would be. Our programs were uniformly well received. We needed greater visibility to keep this going.
The next challenge was to find community partners who would sponsor our educational programs and help publicize our events. Marin County provided our first, tiny grant, enabling us to make ourselves an official presence. MarinLink, an umbrella nonprofit sponsor organization, enabled us to become an official nonprofit and remains our umbrella organization to this day.
We have found generous and willing community partners ever since. Senior centers, hospice, and others have provided a venue and promotion to help us deliver the high quality information the public needs to help ensure their quality of life and their awareness of how to stay safe.
More recently, we connected with Circle Bank in Corte Madera, under the management of Raymond Quan. A terrific relationship formed. With the help of Circle Bank and its consciousness to contribute to the community, we have an ongoing partnership to educate seniors and those who care for them in venues Circle Bank provides.
Every person in Seniors Resource Forum enjoys working with elders, has unique expertise to offer and is generous of spirit enough to donate time and effort to meet our mission. It is to improve the quality of life of seniors through education.
We look forward to enhancing and expanding our programs, reaching more people and forging a stronger relationship with community in the year ahead.
From the founder of Seniors Resource Forum,
Carolyn Rosenblatt, RN, Attorney, Mediator,
AgingParents.com